NEWSLETTER
A voice for the least (trigger warning rape, abuse, suicide, self harm, physical violence)
The following is a summary of how I Was forced into a life of crime by my own family and the oppressive governmental systems that are designed to make the minorities fail. Ironically, this is why I decided to better myself by dropping out of the gang and its culture, disassociating myself from the Mexican Mafia, and graduating law school. I continue to educate myself while calling all the humble and marginalized people to join me in the building of an independent universal community with its own curriculums, resources, industries and departments. I believe this will be the end to the marginalization of people.
I was born in 1973 in San Antonio, Texas, but raised in some of the worst cities of Las Angeles, such as Compton and Watts. Growing up as a child i recall my sisters and i being molested and raped at home by our eldest brother jessie. Consequently, all my sisters were put in governmental foster homes, and Jessie in placement prior to this, he and my Uncle Armando were very abusive, they condemned my feminine characteristics, beat me, and forced me to break into houses, drink alcohol and smoke drugs. Outside of the house i was subjected to cruelty, constantly being bullied, robbed and beaten. This is because i attended some of the worst schools, and i had to walk both there and back alone. I was naive to the street life and had no protector. As for my fathers, he was far too busy operating his counterfeit business with his homeboys in the street. In the evenings he was at the horse races gambling all his money away, and when he did return home, it was to drink and sleep.
During my teenage years, my father pulled me out of every ob i ever had and scolded me, saying, "have you gone crazy or what? Don't you know on the streets you can make in one hour wha that store manager of yours makes in a week?"
Even while i was working for my father, he would pound his philosophical views into me, saying "if it wasn't for the companies, your uncles Odilon and Chema would have starved to death, because they have no street hustling skills."
Around the year 2003, my father was arrested in Laredo, Texas. He was charged and convicted for molesting my niece. 2 years later, my namesake Rafael Gamboa died in prison.
At the governmental foster homes, some of my sisters were turned into prostitutes and addicts after being exposed to heavy drugs, sex, gangs and violence.
As for my big brother Jessie, he returned from placement smoking crack cocaine and within a few weeks he had my mother buy me 'cholo' (Spanish gang member) cloths (this was the beginning of me dressing like a cholo) after this, he had me join his new self made gang, which had only two members he and Il but this gang would very soon dissipate into nothing.
During this time, we lived on Palmer street, Compton , California, amidst the gangs. This included the Compton Varrio Tortilla Flats gang (t-flats) who had come to my aid twice while i was being jumped, and had recused me when i was kidnapped. Subsequently, because of my affiliation with T-Flats and my new Cholo style of dressing, a few gangsters with badges (cops) filed false charges against me, took me to jail, beat me, and got me convicted. Unfortunately, it was this encounter that would have and even greater negative effect on me, and it eventually lead to my association and partaking within the Mexican Mafia. From ages 13 to 27, I lived in and out of local jails placement camps, county jails, correctional institutions and prisons. At the age of 29 i was charged with the selling of drugs and i was manipulated into signing a 'pleas agreement' with the federal prosecutors. This resulted in me being handed a sentence of 21 years and 6 moths, which i'm currently serving., deprived of civilization since 2003.
Overall i have been incarcerated in about 65 institutions all across the United States. I've experienced the same inhumane and barbaric system, disguised with hundreds of fronts, and operated with a myriad of tactics, designed to destabilize minority communities. Indeed, not only do the majority of inmates struggle to read, write and comprehend and intellectual life, but we, the errant, have been deprived for over 300 years of a ready access effective educational system. Moreover, thousands of inmates are being released daily without and skills or trade. What is even more astonishing are the ex-prisoners who have had no effective working skills embedded in them, even after serving sentences of 20 years and upward.
I myself was able to neither read nor write until i started teaching myself when i became an adult. Even though i've vastly improved, i must confess i still struggle somewhat. Ironically, many former and current prisoners will never admit that they struggle to read and write. For example, when i was around the age of 18 i was actively seeking employment, y walking into shops. I would inform the potential employers of my willingness to work, but when the employer would place the application form in front of me and request me to fill it out, i would get nervous and make excuses to leave telling the employer that i would return another day.
the Federal bureau of Prisons was established by the Department of Justice in 1930. It consists of about 200 institutions all across the untied states and of course they have an education system. But, at least for the majority of us, the federal inmates, it is not 'ready access effective educational system'. On the contrary, it has countless shortcomings and gaps, and it's often discouraged and gets suspended for long periods, for example, when an inmate comes to lock up (so called special Housing Unit or SHU) where a large portion of inmates (including myself) do the majority of their time, or at the very least, a large portion of it.
Because i am a trans woman who is forced to live in all male institutions where i am treated like an animal and slave object by the majority of inmates and staff alike, i am constantly in lock up, and even more so, because i'm and advocate for prisoners, LGBTQ and people's rights. However, lock up is where i have experienced, witnessed and been subjected to countless rapes, sexual harassment, and assaults. This adds to the struggle of educating myself.
Lock up has negatively affected many of us inmates. All across the United sates jails, countless inmates have committed suicide, and many more in the thousands, have harmed themselves or self mutilated Way too many inmates had never even used drugs until they were psychologically and excessively oppressed by these inhumane, barbaric and behind the times 'institutional cages'.
I've protested in every way you could imagine, in order to push these officers to give me adequate medical care for my diagnosis of 'gender dysphoria (GD)', and to take me out of all male institutions. To cut a long story short, i'm entitled to adequate care for the 'causes' of my GD. I've submitted so many requests, reports, emails, grievances, appeals and other types of documents to the BOP regarding the diagnosis of my GD. I've gone on hunger strikes, but my body can no longer bear the self imposed starvation, because of what these officers have subjected my body to. I've been 'four pointed' my body being excessively stretched using all four limbs simultaneously. Because of old injuries (including gunshot and stab wounds, pinched nerves ect) the pain was overbearing. I've been subjected to police brutality so many times, often being able to neither walk nor even move afterward as a result. Around March 2016 I ended up in the outside hospital because of brutality. At one point the retaliation for my filings and advocacy was so harsh and unimaginable, that i attempted suicide in a way that i'd rather not mention in this newsletter.
Because of my GD, i suffer daily with major depressive disorder, suicidal thoughts, and urges of self mutilation. The causes of my gender dysphoria are (but not Limited to)
1) The growth of my facial hair
2) My receding hairline
3) Not receiving gender reassignment surgery
4) Not being 'passable'
Instead of the BOP giving me the adequate care for teh causes of my GD that i'm entitled to, they have further worsened the distress of my GD by placing me in an all male institution, forcing me to dress like a male inmate, subjecting me to male pronouns, forcing me to live with male inmates who force me to do as they wish with my body, my hands and even my time. I am a slave to the surrounding inamtes. On April 9th 2020, i ended up yet again in teh outside hospital (orange County NY), because i was raped by my cellmate. When i returned from the hospital i was forced again to be a sex slave. Naturally this type of treatment triggers my GD. the 11 officers who are in charge of investigating sexual assaults and rapes are the same officers who are responsible for my health and safety. This is the United Staes Department of (so-called) Justice Bureau of Prisons Bylaw 18 USC 4041, 4042 the united states general attorney, who was appointed by trump, and the federal bureau of prisons director, who the general attorney appoints. It is form here that the authority is delegated all the way down to the warden and staff that watch me daily. In other words, there is a major conflict of interest and a great injustice (especially when the US department of justice along with the 200+ BOP institutions consists of nothing more then fraternalism.
There is no way that the department of justice and the BOP staff are going to collect evidence, to turn around and hand that evidence over to me, so i can sue them in court and possibly get some of them dismissed for neglecting me. moreover, transgender inmates evidence, statements and complaints are being minimized by these very same investigationg officials at every level.
Because i am transgender with major diagnosis, including GD, contained in all male institutions, and who has not received adequate medical care and attention since 2013. I've attempted suicide twice, and self mutilated around 20 times. This has resulted in the loss of two of my bodies organs, pinched nerves, malfunction, general weakness and my distress has worsened especially now in lock up.
In an effort to feminize myself and become a complete woman, i've tattooed eyeliner, lip liner, eyeshadow, two beauty spots, stars on the left side of my forehead and a flower on my ankle. I have also feminized my hands with designs of birds, flowers, hearts and a fairy. Ironically, since 2014 i've been on hormones (estradial and finasteride) which produced female breasts, but all this is still not adequate, nor does it give the department of justice and BOP staff an excuse to ignore the 'causes' of my GD.
Both female inmates and female staff are protected from the male inmates, but what about transgender people like myself? we transgenders have rights too. However, we cannot focus on our rehabilitation or our education , because the demand for sex is overwhelming. When the staff want an inmate to cal down, we transgenders are forced to live with those inmates so that they no longer act out. is this not rape too?
These are big battles for me alone, and its's for this reason i'm pleading for any help i can get. If you would like to help or join me in the fight for justice you can assist me in the following ways.
1)Prayers
2) Building networks to support me and my incarcerated comrades
3) Building our own media by starting with simple newsletters/news magazines and gradually working our way up to radio station podcast*
4) Building our own curriculums (general education math english sociology, law ect)
5) opening up rehabilitation homes, working our way up to communal communities with plenty of vocational programs
*This is for the purposes of united the humble and marginalized people together, and let their stories be told in order to educate the public, recruit new members, raise money/ donations, hold conferences and consultations and inform everyone of our new programs and activities.
you are more then welcome to make extra copies of this newsletter and distribute it to others. You may also post it online.
If you are going to send a money order or check. Send it as follows:
National Lockbox
Bop/ Rafael Loera Gamboa 15609-064
PO Box 474701
Des Moines, Iowa
50947-0001
Make sure you write RAFAEL LOERA, GAMBOA 15609-064 on the check or money order. (yes you must write my name and number on both and on both the outside of the envelope and on the check/money order)
Please do not send money , checks, money orders or anything of value directly to me because it will only be returned to you.
For those who live in the united states and would prefer to send funds online, you can go to Westernunion.com moneygram.com and give them my name Rafael Loera, Gamboa 15609-064 and also give them city code FBOP state code DC
Please be sure to review my name and number
If you plan to, or are going to send books, you Must send them through a bookstore or company. The limit is five books at a time. I share my books with other inmates and i'm only interested in nonfiction, such as world history, biographies/ autobiographies about or written by inspirational figures and people such as Ghandi, mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Plato or any other figures or events that you believe are inspiring and can change lives. Books for dummies and the complete idiot's guide regarding subjects like writing essays, writing biographies, poetry, algebra, geometry, psychology, philosophy, criminology, english as a second language, Spanish as a second language, sign language for dummies, almanacs and books of facts ect
If you would like to write me directly
RAFAEL LOERA, GAMBOA 15609-064
FCI Otisville po box 10000
Otisville NY 10963
In solidarity, wisdom, strenght and beauty
Rafaela Loera, Gamboa